In times of exponential acceleration, hyperstimulation, and increasingly complex demands, stress and exhaustion are no longer just to be expected, but have largely become normalized. This is often evident where it matters most: in our relationships—with others, ourselves, and the world.

Relationship stress in this sense narrows our experience, reduces closeness and trust, and hinders emotional flexibility. The associated overload alienates us in our connections. Self-esteem, performance, and quality of life suffer.

Relationships are culturally influenced in relation to the social system. How people feel, show themselves, present themselves, and regulate themselves is linked to roles, expectations, and adaptation. In this sense, systemic therapy is also a place where performative patterns, over-adaptation, and exhaustion dynamics become visible and changeable. I understand therapy here as an invitation to experience relationships anew, beyond self-optimization, rigid role models, and pressure to conform. 

In my therapeutic work, I assume that resonance in relationships is not only an important accompanying factor, but rather a central medium for psychological change processes. Interactional and relational patterns that burden and block people cannot be changed in isolation through reflection, insight, or understanding. Patterns and dynamics often arise and continue to arise in relationships—

and can often only be experienced differently there and accordingly be experienced as corrective.

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Based on Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) and attachment theory, I understand emotions as  attachment and relationship signals. They reveal on a deeper level where closeness is sought, where protection and adaptation are needed, or where previous attachment experiences come into play (experienced, for example, through tension, one-sided fixation on solutions, avoidance, defense, withdrawal, etc.). In the therapeutic relationship, these signals and impulses can not only be noticed, but above all, they can be experienced and shaped in a new way:

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“Feeling something without it escalating.”
“Not having to pull yourself together or withdraw in order to stay in contact.”
“I am not rejected when I show myself.”

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A central learning area of this work is the ability to differentiate between situations. Reactions that often feel like personality traits and characteristics become recognizable and distinguishable as situational in conscious contact: 

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“It no longer feels like: that's just how I am.”

“I have a moment more time before I react.”
“I notice that this difficult feeling arises right here—and not everywhere.”

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This differentiation goes hand in hand with emotional intelligence and self-efficacy. Not as control over emotions, but as inner freedom of movement: the ability to perceive, distinguish, and respond consciously instead of reacting automatically. Change occurs where difficult emotions and relationship needs can be more consciously perceived, held, processed, and (co-)regulated—not where they are only cognitively analyzed, interpreted, or explained. In this context, learning and change take place in a concrete, experience-based manner.

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Therapy thus becomes a space for encounter and learning, in which relationships can be experienced in a more differentiated, secure, and lively way. Understanding and insight are here rather a consequence of the therapeutic process, not its linchpin. ​​

Therapeutic relationship work also means recognizing and navigating ambivalences: closeness and distance, attachment and autonomy, openness and protection exist in a productive tension.

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Systemic understanding, processing, change – reorganization on three levels
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This integrative approach promotes a systemic process of “self-understanding.” 

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Reorganization 1 – Past

Systemic initially means recognizing and appreciating previous “attempts at solutions” as well as the patterns, inner narratives, and stories learned in the process. Here, the perceived problems in their previous relationships and communication in social systems such as family, work environment, or circle of friends become formulable, transparent, and understandable.

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Reorganization 2 – Present

From here, the focus regularly shifts to the here and now, where experiences in relation to oneself and others can be articulated in a protected space. Mindfulness-based approaches such as ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), methods for promoting self-compassion, etc., which support an experience-oriented approach, are particularly useful for this purpose. 

In addition to social systems, the focus here is also on the inner (intrapsychic) system, e.g., to address inner parts, beliefs, and (especially psychological) basic needs, which often play a central role, particularly in conflicts and decision-making issues regarding relationships and career. Here, the respective patterns and connections sometimes go back further into the personal (coping) biography. Examples of typical beliefs are: “I can't do this,” “I'm not good enough”, “I'm not right,” “I'm not allowed to do that,” or “I don't belong.” Part of the integrative approach here is to acknowledge the former meaning and functionality of these inner parts and beliefs. This may mean first arriving at a place of acceptance, gaining a deeper understanding, saying what has been left unsaid, and allowing the feelings associated with it. This usually has to happen before we can begin to change and overcome these patterns of experience, which can be quite energy- and time-consuming or even blocking in everyday life.

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Reorganization 3 - Future

From the outset, the future is also examined in a solution- and resource-oriented manner. Which values and goals, whether already lived or not yet sufficiently realized, point the way forward, and which strengths and sources of power deserve more attention and cultivation? Which everyday actions can be tried out and anchored very early on in everyday life and become healthy habits over time? From a motivation to avoid “away from” to a motivation to approach “towards.” 

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In this integrative way, the view can not only be directed forward, but also become broader and stabilize the desired space for insight. Which structures and dynamics, roles, inner parts, and beliefs are connected with each other in the relevant systems, and where might there be conflicts in needs or interactions? 

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In this context, conscious changes in perspective, principles of relationship and distance perception, as well as limitation and movement can bring about new impulses for change. Working with polarities, differentiations, and basic needs in the context of personality structure (according to C.G. Jung) can also play a role here.  

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Body awareness​

Mindfulness-based methods can be helpful in recognizing the initial situation (status quo), expanding perspectives for finding solutions, and, most importantly, implementing and integrating these solutions into everyday life in a sustainable way. This expands the mental level and “engagement” with the topic to include the physical level of perception, spontaneous intuition, and personal wisdom. The body often knows more than “you think.” This holistic approach can be particularly helpful when attempts at coping (coping strategies) take place primarily “in the head” or are experienced as “overthinking.” Examples of this include brooding, worrying, constantly going over and rehashing a scenario XY, etc. In this respect, this approach is also very well suited as a supplement or in combination with mindfulness training or existing mindfulness practice.

In everyday life, solutions often mean trying out unfamiliar behaviors or pausing mindfully in situations that previously happened automatically, unconsciously, and quickly.

 

In this context, mindfulness also refers to an attitude of mindfulness that has been practiced, trained, or embodied over many years. In terms of conversation, this enables an unbiased, “non-knowing” or interested ‘curious’ basic attitude. Attitude here also refers to the ability to “hold” difficult feelings (including those of the clients towards themselves) and topics. The difficulty in articulating and expressing feelings often lies in the unfamiliarity of doing so.

 

For me, what ultimately makes counseling and therapy sessions so special and humbling is that they allow something to emerge that is sometimes only perceived vaguely and in terms of problems in everyday life. And yes—in this sense, therapy always involves a form of inner work, which in turn can lead to development and inner growth. I would be happy to support you in this process.